The Dashing of the Warriors

I finally did it.




I RAN WARRIOR DASH!!!!!



And I LOVED IT.


If you would've asked me a year ago, I would've told you, "HELL NO!", but since I've been working up some endurance at the gym and actually began to like running just a little bit, I figured, "Why the hell not?" It looked like fun, and it would be something eventful for me to do. So, I went for it. I just didn't think I'd love it so much.


I went to Canton, MS, my hometown, Friday night so that I could get up the next morning and head out to Jackson to do the dash. I decided to do the earliest dash so that the course wouldn't be destroyed by the time I got to it. I woke up at 6 and did a small jog. This is me at my mom's at the asscrack of morning:

We headed out from my mom's and drove to Jackson- surprisingly, there wasn't much traffic to the dash yet. Since we were actually parking at the Memorial Stadium across from UMC and getting a bus to the actual site, we got there as early as we could--I got there about 7:30 or so. There were plenty of parking spaces so we got a good one. Then we loaded a school bus (free ride) that would take us to the site where the dash was taking place. We were on the first bus.

After a ride down the interstate and a backwoods dirt road, we safely arrived at our destination. From there, we walked into the dash grounds and I headed over to get my race packet. It was a little hectic because I had a huge bag with a towel and other assorted crap in it, but thankfully my Jason was there to help me get ready! He helped me put the chip in my shoelaces and duct taped my shoes! After all was said and done, I was ready and a bit anxious about what awaited me.

I got in line and waited for the time to tick down- I had 20 minutes, but I wanted to be closer to the front, because I'm a slow runner, and I didn't want to look like a jackass in front of the spectators (most of the dash was away from the crowd). After the huge fireball explosion, we were off!

I hauled ass around the corner, and was happy that there was marker tape and signs that told us where to go. We were greeted with mud puddles. "Oh," I thought, "Just a mud puddle. Ha!" Rule one: NEVER think that at Warrior Dash. What I thought was just a wee mud puddle actually came up to my thighs. Others just walked by the red marker tape and dodged the puddle, but I thought, "What the hell, the motto is Mud, Sweat, and Beer, so here we go!" My feet were instantly frozen. I thought I was going to get frostbite! The first part of the course seemed to be nothing but these freezing mud puddles. I dashed through every single one, sometimes tripping over crap in the water and falling deeper into the mud. Usually, the weather in MS this time of year is nice and hot, but today was COLD! Two days before the race, it was hot as balls. Welcome to MS!

Finally, after running up a small hill and through some more mud puddles, I came to my first obstacle course- a net with barbed wire at the end. Everyone was just chilling underneath and not really going anywhere, so I just jumped under the net and Solid Snaked my way through. Some of the girls acted like they were too cute to get muddy, but I didn't care- I moved past everyone and slid under the barbed wire and started running again.

I came across MORE mud puddles- there were a LOT of mud puddles in this dash. My shoes were really heavy by the time I got to the next obstacle- a wall. Or at least, I thought it was just a wall. There were, in fact, a series of them, with barbed wire between them, so as you climbed over the wall, you jumped off it, ducked under barbed wire, and climbed another freaking wall. I think there were four total. I was too short to jump up to grab the wall, and my feet couldn't get a good grip because my shoes were caked with mud. A girl and her friend helped me get over the wall. We decided to team up and tackle the obstacle course together. We ran until we got to the next big obstacle: tunnels.

The tunnels weren't that bad- they were just deep trenches with boards over them so that they were very, very dark. Everyone was trying to pick this one or that one without water in it, so I just picked the one that was flooded with water, because nobody else would and I knew it would be the quickest. I had no problem crawling through there. I waited on my newfound buddies, and we headed to the next course.

This one was a biggie: mud mountains with deep water at the bottoms of them. Yes, mountains. Plural. We had to get into this deep water with sticky mud at the bottom, and climb up the mud mountain, slide down the other side, and repeat. We were having a hell of a time because the mud was so slick and nobody could get a foothold. People were starting to lose their shoes. I was glad mine were duct taped to my feet- they weren't going anywhere. I saw some branches and roots at one end of the hole and with my friend's help, was able to get out. I turned around and then helped pull her out. Onward!

We came to a wall of rope netting- all we had to do was pick one, and just shimmy across the nets. Easily done.

The next one was one that I'd remember in infamy. It was a wall of netting that you climbed up- no big deal there. That was the easy part. However, when you got to the top, you had to climb down- and the only way to do it was to put your foot on these little boards nailed into the wall. I was too short to reach the next board, and I slipped and my vagina caught the next board. It hurt. The chick climbing next to me cringed, I heard some guys say, "Oooo!" and another say, "God save the queen!" They were helpful enough to peel me off the wall though. In fact, those same guys stayed there just to help others off the wall because it was so hard. Then I realized that there were quite a few of these walls in succession. My friends and I were like, "LOL, NOPE!" and moved on.

I really liked the next obstacle- you had climb up onto a plank and walk it while water was cascading down on you. I got past it no problem. So did my friends.

Right next to that obstacle was another one- swim across a lake/pond, with a little barge in the middle. It was kinda deep to me, but I made it to the barge- and there was also netting underwater, so  you really had to watch what you were doing. Then, back into the water, and climb out on the bank. I ran up the hill, and we could hear music by then- we were close to the end!

The biggest obstacle is one I ended up not doing. It was a wall, with knotted rope on it. I was too short to grab the rope, and the one that was long enough had the knots spaced too far apart- my hands kept slipping, and my feet slipped at every turn- the board was too muddy for me to put my feet on. My friends and I passed it altogether.

 

 Here's me saying, "LOL, NOPE!" to the wall. We ran past it.

We then jumped over a few lines of fire- it felt good on my feet since they were still freezing from the beginning of the race.

Then, the last obstacle!!! THE MUD PIT! The mud pit had barbed wire over it, so you couldn't just run past it- they made you crawl. I shimmied past this with no real problem- I'm very good at crawling. It was also very fun!

The mud smelled something fierce. I thought I would have to dip my face into the mud to get past the barbed wire, but I really didn't have to. I got up out of the mud, waited on my friends, helped them out......

And the three of us crossed the finish line together!!!

 
I was muddy from head to toe, but I was very proud of myself. Here I was, a lazy ass, and I had ran the Warrior Dash and survived it! I had a lot of fun, and I'd love to do it again!!!

 Here's me with my medal.

After I got washed off, my boyfriend snapped this pic- I was freezing by this time. But, it was so worth it!

 My newfound friends that helped me out:

 And, of course, my boyfriend (carrying around my stuff for me, as usual)

 There was this neato limo there!

 This is what my medal looked like after I washed all the mud off. It's a bottle opener!

And a bonus pic of dad wearing my fuzzy Viking hat:

Also, this is NOT my video, but....here's a video of some brave soul doing the dash that day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkkkehPSBdM

Going to Warrior Dash? Need Advice?

I ran my first ever Warrior Dash in Jackson, MS on 4-20-13! WHOOO! So now that I've marked that off the bucket list, I think I'll end up doing it again!


For all you first-timers out there, I offer this advice:

~ Duct tape your shoes- it will keep your shoes on during your trudging in the mud, and it will also keep your shoes from coming untied- the chip they give you in your race packet goes on your shoe, and you don't want to lose it! It will also keep some mud from getting into your shoes- you'll still get mud in them, but just not as much. You'll slip, yes, but even with the best shoes, you'll slip--your shoes are going to be caked with mud anyways.

~Pin your bib on somewhere smart- Some people's bibs got torn on the barbed wire because they decided to put it on their back. I had mine on my chest. You decide where you want to put it. It's held on there by 4 safety pins they give you.

~Get there early! There will be a lot of people going- so try to get the earliest spot available- especially if it's your first time running- the obstacle courses aren't run-in and slimy as they would be if you went later on in the day and hundreds of people had ran before you. Also, try to get there an hour and a half before your run- you'll need to get your wristband for your free beer, wait in line for your race packet (it has your bib #, safety pins, chip, fuzzy viking helmet, and t-shirt in it) and look around and get your bearings. Plan accordingly.

~If you're over 21 and want a free beer, go to the ID booth after you pick up your race packet. Don't go to baggage check next! You can only check in your stuff once- once the people behind the counter have it, that's it- the next time you want to look through it, it's yours for the rest of the day and you can't turn it back in. So, go to the ID booth, get your wristband, and THEN go to baggage check.

~Stop freaking out! Yes, it's a 5k run with obstacles. BUT, it's not mandatory for you to run! After the first part of the course, you'll want to walk and save your strength for the obstacles! Remember, JUST HAVE FUN! You may be at the last of the line, but don't worry- that'll change with each obstacle you go through!

~Be a buddy-help someone out! I ran the Warrior Dash alone, but halfway through I made two friends, Wendy and Amanda, who helped me over an obstacle- we stuck together and helped each other through the rest of the Dash. You'll always have a helping hand from someone if you get stuck- I had quite a few people help me out.

~The obstacles aren't mandatory- If the obstacles are out of your range of expertise, or you get cold feet about that really tall wall...you can skip it. I've heard in other Dashes, you didn't get a metal at the end if you didn't do an obstacle, but with the one I went to, it didn't count against me. Also, if you miss your run time, just run with another group!

~Wear something you could afford to throw away- Your clothes may never come clean again. You can also dress up for the costume contest and run in that- I saw an entire bridal party run- the chick was in a wedding dress and the groom had his tux on! I decided to wear my skin-tight compression leggings and a skin-tight Underarmour shirt--it helped me slide through the mud, and I didn't have to worry about getting caught on anything- I also wore my ponytail low for the same reason. Also, I washed my clothes and they are just fine. My shoes are another story. So, just in case, use something crappy. You're not there to look pretty- you're there to get caked in mud!


I am NOT athletic by any means- unless you mean playing videogames. I'm slightly overweight, I hate exercise, and I get out of breath easily. I'm also only 5 feet tall. If I can do it, so can you!

I can't even clean out my car without getting bothered.

I decided to clean out the 'Scort today. I get out my handy ghetto vacuum (you know the one- it looks like a roll of duct tape) when I get approached. And you know me- I hate everyone equally.

Random black dude: Heeeyy. HEY! HEYY!
Me: .....What?
RBD: Lemme use your phone.
Me: No.
RBD: It'll only take a minute. I gotta tell my ole lady I'm coming home.
Me: No.
RBD: It'll only be a minute!
Me: No.
RBD: Please?
Me: No.
*He sits there for a minute*
RBD: You cleaning out your car?
Me: I hid a body in here and I'm trying to get the bloodstains out. I offered to let him use my phone and he fell for it. Never knew what hit him.

*Random black dude freaks out and runs off.*
*Five minutes later, enter random white crackwhore*

Random white crackwhore: Hey, you got any money? My car broke down at the pump of the Jr.
Me: I don't see a car broken down at the pumps. I can see it from here, you know.
RWC: I moved it. I need money for gas. I thought I had some but I don't! *starts crying*
Me: Sorry, but no. I'm not feeling very charitable today.
RWC: But how am I gonna get this food to my babies?
Me: ...walk?
RWC: You're a horrible person!
Me: I hope so.

*she leaves, walks down the street, and gets into an Escalade with two other guys. Figures.*
*10 minutes later.....enter in: random white guy!*

Random white guy: Hey! Man! Can you give me a ride to the store?
Me: There's a store right by us.
RWG: Not that one! I wanna go to the Handy Pantry down the street!
Me: Ok, look. You have a 10 second headstart before I start murdering your white skinny ass. If one more of you motherfuckers steps foot in my yard, I'm gonna Castle Law your ass.
RWG: Castle Law?
Me: I feel threatened and you're on my property. I will shoot you in the fucking head. Or maybe I'll chop you into 50 pieces and mail a piece to every state. Or I'll get your ID and mail your head to your mom. I don't know yet. I'm feeling creative today.

*RWG leaves in a hurry*

From now on, I'm pulling the Escort around back to clean it up.

Come watch me humilate myself!

So, I did it.

I did the impossible.

Despite BOTH parents telling me, "No, you're not athletic", my boyfriend saying, "Ummm...good luck?", and friends saying, "LOL WUT?!"

..............

I signed up for Warrior Dash.

Yes, Warrior Dash.

What IS Warrior Dash? It's a 5K run, except there's obstacle courses- like jumping through fire, swimming through mud, climbing over cars...

WHY? Why not? Looked like fun...?

I think I'll be OK if I just pace myself, and hopefully there won't be monkey bars- because Gods knows I can't do monkey bars.

So yes, Saturday, April 20th, 2013, on Elton Rd in Jackson, MS--I will be humiliating myself on a 3-mile run through disastrous shit (hopefully not literally), random spectators, and cameramen. Shoop da whoop! I start my run at 9 AM.

I've been training nonstop for this event- I've actually got up some endurance. Believe it or not, I've actually gotten to where I enjoy the feeling I get after a run- and that is something I'd NEVER thought I'd say or feel.

I'll post more after the race.

Here we go!

Wish me luck!

Home is where all of your stuff is.

I have been in my new home for about 2 months now.

I love it!

My mom gave me some stuff for the home- since I have tile flooring, she brought me rugs. Really nice ones, too! I also got a little dresser from her.

I've noticed that my closets aren't as big as the ones that were in my apartment- only my t-shirts can fit in one room's closet (then again, I have a lot of t-shirts). Also, this made me have another revelation: everything I own- everything that was stuffed into my two bedroom, 600-square foot apartment fits perfectly into my three bedroom house.

Right now I have my living room, dining room, kitchen, hallway, and bathroom organized and nicely decorated, for the most part. The master bedroom is liveable- mama gave me a large shag rug to go in there, but we have to clean it before we put anything in there. The computer room is decent- it's almost done, but things are moved in there that should be elsewhere. But we just got a bookshelf in there, so my books are at least off the floor now. The biggest issue is the extra bedroom. We have a LOT of crap- and we don't have the shelving space to put anything up--the apartment had bigger closets to stuff things into, and a built-in extra large shelving unit to put even more stuff into. We haven't really had the time or money to buy shelving and other things because we're still working out the bill paying schedule and other things. It's coming along nicely, however.

I'm currently sitting on my huge ass leather sectional couch, looking at my HDTV, with my leading man next to me. Life is currently very good. ^___^ I'll get to that other crap and tidiness when I can.