The Dashing of the Warriors

I finally did it.




I RAN WARRIOR DASH!!!!!



And I LOVED IT.


If you would've asked me a year ago, I would've told you, "HELL NO!", but since I've been working up some endurance at the gym and actually began to like running just a little bit, I figured, "Why the hell not?" It looked like fun, and it would be something eventful for me to do. So, I went for it. I just didn't think I'd love it so much.


I went to Canton, MS, my hometown, Friday night so that I could get up the next morning and head out to Jackson to do the dash. I decided to do the earliest dash so that the course wouldn't be destroyed by the time I got to it. I woke up at 6 and did a small jog. This is me at my mom's at the asscrack of morning:

We headed out from my mom's and drove to Jackson- surprisingly, there wasn't much traffic to the dash yet. Since we were actually parking at the Memorial Stadium across from UMC and getting a bus to the actual site, we got there as early as we could--I got there about 7:30 or so. There were plenty of parking spaces so we got a good one. Then we loaded a school bus (free ride) that would take us to the site where the dash was taking place. We were on the first bus.

After a ride down the interstate and a backwoods dirt road, we safely arrived at our destination. From there, we walked into the dash grounds and I headed over to get my race packet. It was a little hectic because I had a huge bag with a towel and other assorted crap in it, but thankfully my Jason was there to help me get ready! He helped me put the chip in my shoelaces and duct taped my shoes! After all was said and done, I was ready and a bit anxious about what awaited me.

I got in line and waited for the time to tick down- I had 20 minutes, but I wanted to be closer to the front, because I'm a slow runner, and I didn't want to look like a jackass in front of the spectators (most of the dash was away from the crowd). After the huge fireball explosion, we were off!

I hauled ass around the corner, and was happy that there was marker tape and signs that told us where to go. We were greeted with mud puddles. "Oh," I thought, "Just a mud puddle. Ha!" Rule one: NEVER think that at Warrior Dash. What I thought was just a wee mud puddle actually came up to my thighs. Others just walked by the red marker tape and dodged the puddle, but I thought, "What the hell, the motto is Mud, Sweat, and Beer, so here we go!" My feet were instantly frozen. I thought I was going to get frostbite! The first part of the course seemed to be nothing but these freezing mud puddles. I dashed through every single one, sometimes tripping over crap in the water and falling deeper into the mud. Usually, the weather in MS this time of year is nice and hot, but today was COLD! Two days before the race, it was hot as balls. Welcome to MS!

Finally, after running up a small hill and through some more mud puddles, I came to my first obstacle course- a net with barbed wire at the end. Everyone was just chilling underneath and not really going anywhere, so I just jumped under the net and Solid Snaked my way through. Some of the girls acted like they were too cute to get muddy, but I didn't care- I moved past everyone and slid under the barbed wire and started running again.

I came across MORE mud puddles- there were a LOT of mud puddles in this dash. My shoes were really heavy by the time I got to the next obstacle- a wall. Or at least, I thought it was just a wall. There were, in fact, a series of them, with barbed wire between them, so as you climbed over the wall, you jumped off it, ducked under barbed wire, and climbed another freaking wall. I think there were four total. I was too short to jump up to grab the wall, and my feet couldn't get a good grip because my shoes were caked with mud. A girl and her friend helped me get over the wall. We decided to team up and tackle the obstacle course together. We ran until we got to the next big obstacle: tunnels.

The tunnels weren't that bad- they were just deep trenches with boards over them so that they were very, very dark. Everyone was trying to pick this one or that one without water in it, so I just picked the one that was flooded with water, because nobody else would and I knew it would be the quickest. I had no problem crawling through there. I waited on my newfound buddies, and we headed to the next course.

This one was a biggie: mud mountains with deep water at the bottoms of them. Yes, mountains. Plural. We had to get into this deep water with sticky mud at the bottom, and climb up the mud mountain, slide down the other side, and repeat. We were having a hell of a time because the mud was so slick and nobody could get a foothold. People were starting to lose their shoes. I was glad mine were duct taped to my feet- they weren't going anywhere. I saw some branches and roots at one end of the hole and with my friend's help, was able to get out. I turned around and then helped pull her out. Onward!

We came to a wall of rope netting- all we had to do was pick one, and just shimmy across the nets. Easily done.

The next one was one that I'd remember in infamy. It was a wall of netting that you climbed up- no big deal there. That was the easy part. However, when you got to the top, you had to climb down- and the only way to do it was to put your foot on these little boards nailed into the wall. I was too short to reach the next board, and I slipped and my vagina caught the next board. It hurt. The chick climbing next to me cringed, I heard some guys say, "Oooo!" and another say, "God save the queen!" They were helpful enough to peel me off the wall though. In fact, those same guys stayed there just to help others off the wall because it was so hard. Then I realized that there were quite a few of these walls in succession. My friends and I were like, "LOL, NOPE!" and moved on.

I really liked the next obstacle- you had climb up onto a plank and walk it while water was cascading down on you. I got past it no problem. So did my friends.

Right next to that obstacle was another one- swim across a lake/pond, with a little barge in the middle. It was kinda deep to me, but I made it to the barge- and there was also netting underwater, so  you really had to watch what you were doing. Then, back into the water, and climb out on the bank. I ran up the hill, and we could hear music by then- we were close to the end!

The biggest obstacle is one I ended up not doing. It was a wall, with knotted rope on it. I was too short to grab the rope, and the one that was long enough had the knots spaced too far apart- my hands kept slipping, and my feet slipped at every turn- the board was too muddy for me to put my feet on. My friends and I passed it altogether.

 

 Here's me saying, "LOL, NOPE!" to the wall. We ran past it.

We then jumped over a few lines of fire- it felt good on my feet since they were still freezing from the beginning of the race.

Then, the last obstacle!!! THE MUD PIT! The mud pit had barbed wire over it, so you couldn't just run past it- they made you crawl. I shimmied past this with no real problem- I'm very good at crawling. It was also very fun!

The mud smelled something fierce. I thought I would have to dip my face into the mud to get past the barbed wire, but I really didn't have to. I got up out of the mud, waited on my friends, helped them out......

And the three of us crossed the finish line together!!!

 
I was muddy from head to toe, but I was very proud of myself. Here I was, a lazy ass, and I had ran the Warrior Dash and survived it! I had a lot of fun, and I'd love to do it again!!!

 Here's me with my medal.

After I got washed off, my boyfriend snapped this pic- I was freezing by this time. But, it was so worth it!

 My newfound friends that helped me out:

 And, of course, my boyfriend (carrying around my stuff for me, as usual)

 There was this neato limo there!

 This is what my medal looked like after I washed all the mud off. It's a bottle opener!

And a bonus pic of dad wearing my fuzzy Viking hat:

Also, this is NOT my video, but....here's a video of some brave soul doing the dash that day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkkkehPSBdM

Going to Warrior Dash? Need Advice?

I ran my first ever Warrior Dash in Jackson, MS on 4-20-13! WHOOO! So now that I've marked that off the bucket list, I think I'll end up doing it again!


For all you first-timers out there, I offer this advice:

~ Duct tape your shoes- it will keep your shoes on during your trudging in the mud, and it will also keep your shoes from coming untied- the chip they give you in your race packet goes on your shoe, and you don't want to lose it! It will also keep some mud from getting into your shoes- you'll still get mud in them, but just not as much. You'll slip, yes, but even with the best shoes, you'll slip--your shoes are going to be caked with mud anyways.

~Pin your bib on somewhere smart- Some people's bibs got torn on the barbed wire because they decided to put it on their back. I had mine on my chest. You decide where you want to put it. It's held on there by 4 safety pins they give you.

~Get there early! There will be a lot of people going- so try to get the earliest spot available- especially if it's your first time running- the obstacle courses aren't run-in and slimy as they would be if you went later on in the day and hundreds of people had ran before you. Also, try to get there an hour and a half before your run- you'll need to get your wristband for your free beer, wait in line for your race packet (it has your bib #, safety pins, chip, fuzzy viking helmet, and t-shirt in it) and look around and get your bearings. Plan accordingly.

~If you're over 21 and want a free beer, go to the ID booth after you pick up your race packet. Don't go to baggage check next! You can only check in your stuff once- once the people behind the counter have it, that's it- the next time you want to look through it, it's yours for the rest of the day and you can't turn it back in. So, go to the ID booth, get your wristband, and THEN go to baggage check.

~Stop freaking out! Yes, it's a 5k run with obstacles. BUT, it's not mandatory for you to run! After the first part of the course, you'll want to walk and save your strength for the obstacles! Remember, JUST HAVE FUN! You may be at the last of the line, but don't worry- that'll change with each obstacle you go through!

~Be a buddy-help someone out! I ran the Warrior Dash alone, but halfway through I made two friends, Wendy and Amanda, who helped me over an obstacle- we stuck together and helped each other through the rest of the Dash. You'll always have a helping hand from someone if you get stuck- I had quite a few people help me out.

~The obstacles aren't mandatory- If the obstacles are out of your range of expertise, or you get cold feet about that really tall wall...you can skip it. I've heard in other Dashes, you didn't get a metal at the end if you didn't do an obstacle, but with the one I went to, it didn't count against me. Also, if you miss your run time, just run with another group!

~Wear something you could afford to throw away- Your clothes may never come clean again. You can also dress up for the costume contest and run in that- I saw an entire bridal party run- the chick was in a wedding dress and the groom had his tux on! I decided to wear my skin-tight compression leggings and a skin-tight Underarmour shirt--it helped me slide through the mud, and I didn't have to worry about getting caught on anything- I also wore my ponytail low for the same reason. Also, I washed my clothes and they are just fine. My shoes are another story. So, just in case, use something crappy. You're not there to look pretty- you're there to get caked in mud!


I am NOT athletic by any means- unless you mean playing videogames. I'm slightly overweight, I hate exercise, and I get out of breath easily. I'm also only 5 feet tall. If I can do it, so can you!

I can't even clean out my car without getting bothered.

I decided to clean out the 'Scort today. I get out my handy ghetto vacuum (you know the one- it looks like a roll of duct tape) when I get approached. And you know me- I hate everyone equally.

Random black dude: Heeeyy. HEY! HEYY!
Me: .....What?
RBD: Lemme use your phone.
Me: No.
RBD: It'll only take a minute. I gotta tell my ole lady I'm coming home.
Me: No.
RBD: It'll only be a minute!
Me: No.
RBD: Please?
Me: No.
*He sits there for a minute*
RBD: You cleaning out your car?
Me: I hid a body in here and I'm trying to get the bloodstains out. I offered to let him use my phone and he fell for it. Never knew what hit him.

*Random black dude freaks out and runs off.*
*Five minutes later, enter random white crackwhore*

Random white crackwhore: Hey, you got any money? My car broke down at the pump of the Jr.
Me: I don't see a car broken down at the pumps. I can see it from here, you know.
RWC: I moved it. I need money for gas. I thought I had some but I don't! *starts crying*
Me: Sorry, but no. I'm not feeling very charitable today.
RWC: But how am I gonna get this food to my babies?
Me: ...walk?
RWC: You're a horrible person!
Me: I hope so.

*she leaves, walks down the street, and gets into an Escalade with two other guys. Figures.*
*10 minutes later.....enter in: random white guy!*

Random white guy: Hey! Man! Can you give me a ride to the store?
Me: There's a store right by us.
RWG: Not that one! I wanna go to the Handy Pantry down the street!
Me: Ok, look. You have a 10 second headstart before I start murdering your white skinny ass. If one more of you motherfuckers steps foot in my yard, I'm gonna Castle Law your ass.
RWG: Castle Law?
Me: I feel threatened and you're on my property. I will shoot you in the fucking head. Or maybe I'll chop you into 50 pieces and mail a piece to every state. Or I'll get your ID and mail your head to your mom. I don't know yet. I'm feeling creative today.

*RWG leaves in a hurry*

From now on, I'm pulling the Escort around back to clean it up.

Come watch me humilate myself!

So, I did it.

I did the impossible.

Despite BOTH parents telling me, "No, you're not athletic", my boyfriend saying, "Ummm...good luck?", and friends saying, "LOL WUT?!"

..............

I signed up for Warrior Dash.

Yes, Warrior Dash.

What IS Warrior Dash? It's a 5K run, except there's obstacle courses- like jumping through fire, swimming through mud, climbing over cars...

WHY? Why not? Looked like fun...?

I think I'll be OK if I just pace myself, and hopefully there won't be monkey bars- because Gods knows I can't do monkey bars.

So yes, Saturday, April 20th, 2013, on Elton Rd in Jackson, MS--I will be humiliating myself on a 3-mile run through disastrous shit (hopefully not literally), random spectators, and cameramen. Shoop da whoop! I start my run at 9 AM.

I've been training nonstop for this event- I've actually got up some endurance. Believe it or not, I've actually gotten to where I enjoy the feeling I get after a run- and that is something I'd NEVER thought I'd say or feel.

I'll post more after the race.

Here we go!

Wish me luck!

Home is where all of your stuff is.

I have been in my new home for about 2 months now.

I love it!

My mom gave me some stuff for the home- since I have tile flooring, she brought me rugs. Really nice ones, too! I also got a little dresser from her.

I've noticed that my closets aren't as big as the ones that were in my apartment- only my t-shirts can fit in one room's closet (then again, I have a lot of t-shirts). Also, this made me have another revelation: everything I own- everything that was stuffed into my two bedroom, 600-square foot apartment fits perfectly into my three bedroom house.

Right now I have my living room, dining room, kitchen, hallway, and bathroom organized and nicely decorated, for the most part. The master bedroom is liveable- mama gave me a large shag rug to go in there, but we have to clean it before we put anything in there. The computer room is decent- it's almost done, but things are moved in there that should be elsewhere. But we just got a bookshelf in there, so my books are at least off the floor now. The biggest issue is the extra bedroom. We have a LOT of crap- and we don't have the shelving space to put anything up--the apartment had bigger closets to stuff things into, and a built-in extra large shelving unit to put even more stuff into. We haven't really had the time or money to buy shelving and other things because we're still working out the bill paying schedule and other things. It's coming along nicely, however.

I'm currently sitting on my huge ass leather sectional couch, looking at my HDTV, with my leading man next to me. Life is currently very good. ^___^ I'll get to that other crap and tidiness when I can.

Things that make me go (╮°-°)╮┳━┳ (╯°□°)╯ ┻━┻ on Facebook

I'll admit, I've done some of the things on this list (but not all of them)- but I don't do it ALL THE TIME...with that being said:

Things that make me go  (╮°-°)╮┳━┳  (╯°□°)╯ ┻━┻  and rant on Facebook:

1. Posting an emo or worrisome status, and the when someone comments, "What's wrong?" You say, "I don't wanna talk about it!"
Then don't post anything if you don't wanna talk about it!!! People worry about the post because they care about you, and you just don't message them or anything about what is happening...What are you, eight?

2. Saying you can't find a girlfriend/boyfriend
Well, if you are picky as hell, or you're just doing it for someone else's sake, that's why you don't have one. "No fat chicks. Blondes only. Gotta be this tall to ride." Seriously? You're missing out because you're picky! You can't expect to pick up a sexy, 11-on-a-10-scale chick if you think like this! Because chances are, you're not gonna get someone that hot if you're that superficial. Or anyone- period.

3. "Like this if you love Jesus, or ignore this if you love Satan."
Guess I really like Satan. This is facebook. I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't go by how many likes his image gets to get into the Pearly Gates. "Oh, sorry Stan. You didn't like that facebook post. I"m sending to you Hell. Better luck next time, sucker!" Then Jesus duckfaces and takes a photo of himself with you before he kicks you out of Heaven. Maybe he'll be nice enough to tag you in his facebook photo.



4. The "I love family" photos- you know the one- with just a pink background, and words professing your love for your family and nothing else?
This is ok, but when EVERY POST is just nothing but this stuff, people are going to start thinking you like your family just a little too much, if you catch my drift. I'm pretty sure you like your family- if not, you would've killed them all by now. Probably gleefully, too. Either way, I don't wanna see your ass on an episode of Nancy Grace.

5. The "I have tiny lips so I'm gonna poke them slightly out and make the lines around my mouth wrinkle up so I look retarded"/ "I'm gonna put my butt on a sink so it looks bigger and take a photo of my dirty ass mirror" pics
Most of us have been guilty of this. I take mirror pics on occasion. I've duckfaced before. But seriously, less is more. Why not set a camera on a timer and take a photo? It looks better. Nobody wants to go to your house and remember that butt pic and be afraid of your booty germs on the sink. And if you have thin lips, for fuck's sake, don't slightly poke them out to make them appear fuller- because it doesn't work. It just makes them look flatter, and it wrinkles the skin around the mouth so everyone knows what you're doing- they may still compliment you on the photo, but I've heard what 90% of them have to say about it- "She'd be so pretty if she didn't do her mouth like that." I hear this all the time. It also makes the rest of your face sag. You look retarded. So either get some lip plumper, surgery, or just stop doing it. You aren't fooling anyone.




6. The different types of word and punctuation abuse.
When you say, "I helped my uncle jack off a horse", that's pretty gross. I hope you meant, "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse". Or when you TYPE LIKE THIS BECAUSE YOU ARE PROBABLY LAZY, or yhuuu talllkk likee diss cuzz nbdyy cn undrstndd yhuu- or you have run on sentences because its cool omg hey you guys like my page for cookies did you see beckys butt omg its so big----please, lay off of it. If you went to school, and if you're actually educated, please show a bit of dignity. You know who writes like that? Nobody. Kindergarteners will actually try to correct you. I've seen them do it. It's not cool. It just makes you look really, really dumb- and people will treat you like it, too.

7. Complaining about your job.
If you don't like it, get another one! If not, suck it up, buttercup! Most people in the workforce today don't like their jobs, but you know what? They have to have one to survive. Instead of sitting on your butt, go make some money and be productive! It may be minimum wage. It may be at a pizza place. But dammit, you have a job! Be proud of it! So what if there are people who make more than you? At least you're not sitting around on your ass all day, waiting on a check and refusing to work! So you're doing good!

8. The "foodie" and "OMG I'M SO FAT" pics
I understand if you have a culinary skill or knows someone who thinks they do. But when 90% of the photos are of food with the captions, "Look what my man cooked me!" or "Gonna eat good tonight!" and then you turn RIGHT AROUND and then cry because you're not the weight you want to be- are you fucking kidding me?? You're fat because you are constantly taking photos of your greasy ass food and then eating it and the plate right along with it. You have NO REASON to bitch if you're just gonna constantly eat shitty food and then post it on facebook. And another thing- why the hell would you post a pic and caption it, "OMG!  I look so fat"- if you don't think you look good, don't fucking post the photo! You're just fishing for compliments. If I see another photo like this, I'm not gonna follow up with "Oh, no, you're gorgeous!" like the others because let's face it- I'm not nice. I'm gonna crush your very soul. "OMG, you are so fat! How many chins is that? I've lost count! You should starve yourself for about a month!" And when you die of starvation, we'll be better off.

9. The "jealous significant other" argument
You've seen it before. We all have. A chick likes a guy's status, and the girlfriend of that guy jumps down the chick's throat because:
1. That chick is probably hotter than the girlfriend is, or at least the girlfriend thinks so
2. The girlfriend has no life nor self-esteem
3. The boyfriend constantly cheats on her and she's too dumb to break up with him
4. ????
So then an argument ensues- and these two have never met in person. They just know each other by the one guy. It really makes the girlfriend out to be a cunt and a really insecure, dumb person. Then, if the chick friend comments back, she's on the losing side as well because she's trying to "mess up the relationship"----the best thing you can do is block whoever started the argument first. Look, if you're that insecure about a relationship, you shouldn't be in one.

10. The "Taylor Swift" Syndrome
You know someone like this. We all do. First, they get into a relationship with someone. Four days later, they break up. Emo posts are had. Bad poetry is written. Shitty pictures with sad things written on them pop up. Then the whole, "But I LOVED him!" comments showed up. But don't worry, in about a week, they'll be at it again with someone new- or the same person. And then they'll break up again. Rinse and repeat. Ah, the life of the serial dater. Don't worry menfolk, you're guilty of it too.

Let Me Tell You About My Day.

So, let me tell you about my first day back at work for the new year:

I woke up kinda early, and figured since I didn't hear my alarm, I'd snooze a bit more....

................
-______-;;

Well.....if you learn anything from this post, it's not to snooze without looking at the clock first- because when I awoke again, I noticed that the daylight in my window was a little more brighter than usual. I scramble over Jason (the clock is on his side) and look at the time. It's 7:55 AM. I work at 8 AM. I stared in disbelief, before shaking Jason awake and telling him twice that the alarm didn't go off and he is late (he gets to work at 7:30).

So either,
A. The alarm didn't go off because it wants to be a fucking douchebag, or
B. Jason thought he hit the snooze button but instead just turned the alarm off.

So, I strip my clothes off in a hurry, jump in the shower for literally 20 seconds (the water didn't warm up yet, so it was a cold shower, and I managed not to get my hair wet), got out, dried off, threw some clothes on and prayed that they matched, squirted toothpaste in my mouth, and ran out the door. I brushed my teeth while driving to work. I'm sure I spit toothpaste down the side of my car as I sped through the neighborhood.

I get to work at 8:12. That was the start of my day.

I had the sniffles for a few days, and I was tired of wiping my nose every 26.2 seconds in the lab, so I decided that on my lunch break, I'd find some suitable medicine to knock it out quickly. I decided to get...

NYQUIL SINEX PILLS!!!
First off- it had Nyquil on the box, so that should've been the first warning sign- but oh no, common sense eluded this fine gentlelady on this day!!!
Second off- I didn't read the warning label until after I popped two big-ass pills in my mouth...and then I thought to myself, "I took Unisom and it had the reverse effect and made me stay up all night, so what are these pills gonna do? Ha!"

It took care of my liquid snot all right- it dehydrated me but it cleared the snot-nose symptom and the sneezing right up! I felt better! Yaaayy! But then the side effect kicked in....drowsiness. Oh dear fucking Gods, the drowsiness! There has got to be a better word than "drowsiness" to describe what this crap did to me- it was more like, "Heeere's meth!"

I was so groggy and drowsy that I felt like I was Super Mario swimming in that underwater stage- and even had the music to go along with it. If you need a refresher of what that song is, here:



IT WAS TERRIBLE.

You know how you have those strange half-asleep thoughts? You know, the ones where you're half-awake, and someone is talking to you, or you hear something and your imagination kicks in and just runs with whatever is happening? Yeah, that's what I was doing. I was trying my best to practice waxing a full-cast crown, when I decided that they looked like biscuits. I turn around to take my opaqued crowns out of the oven, and it just reminded me of taking biscuits out of the oven. I was amused. I was making tooth biscuits- wee tooth biscuits.

It took 2 hot chocolates and 2 Italian coffees to finally get me back into gear- sadly, that gear kicked in about 4:15 that afternoon, and I get off at 5. Then....I was wide awake and jittery. I felt like I could run a mile- and damn near tried to when I got home. Jason found me zipping around the living room,  doing Karate kicks while playing Tekken Tag Tournament 2 and shouting vulgarities when he came home.

I will never do that again.

Revamped 2.0

I redid my blog! Yay! Here's 2013, a year to make things happen....just like every other year!!! Let's see if I can keep it up this time. I kept my LiveJournal up (which I still need to use), so why not this one as well?

So, I deleted a crapton of posts, redid the background and fonts....I should be ready to go now! Maybe I should do my Tumblr the same way....

Other things I'm revamping:
Exercising more.
Eating better.
Hang out with friends more.
Travel more.
Be better with my money.
Clean my apartment myself (ha ha!)
Do crap that I need to do and do it THEN!
Learn to say "no" nicely..