I Hate the Holidays

Throughout the year, I always have had money to spend on the little things. You know- video games, fancy dates, travel, posh makeup, etc. However, it seems that there is that special time between October and December where our finances are in limbo. Does anyone else have this problem, or am I missing something here?

I don't really do anything different. It just seems that there is less money at the end of my year. Bills get stretched out, and my bank account looks like a single mom during the Great Depression. Scratch that...a single mom during the Great Depression would have more money than me at this time.

I've taken to paying off my student loans, and I've put a dent into them, at least. Although there is a minimum payment, I have added a lot to it. I've been pinching my pennies because I like vacations and such every year, and more importantly-perhaps the most important point of all- I like my bills paid. I like to take my paycheck, pay all of my bills, and then let the next paycheck sit bored in my bank account.

But yes, this time of year really sucks- not only am I broke around this season, it's the worst possible season to be broke on- the holidays. Now, if you know me (and since you're reading this blog, I'm sure you know me a bit by now), there's one thing that I absolutely LOATHE more than anything in this world, and it's the fucking holidays. I hate the holidays- except you, Halloween. I could never hate you.

Now, on to the examples on why I hate the holidays. Now, keep in mind, I DO enjoy some things about the holidays, but let's be serious. Everyone knows this rings true. If it doesn't ring true to you, you're living in a place where unicorns exist.

Thanksgiving: It's a time of the year where you spend extra money on a small country's amount of food, and you glutton yourself to the point of bursting with it. You sit around a table with people you don't really like and would rather stab in the face than to break bread with and make idle chatter.

I'm not for all that fake shit, so I make my own Thanksgiving with people who actually want me in their lives.

Then, it's Black Friday, which has somehow leaked into The Hour After Thanksgiving Dinner. That's when the worst in people comes out. It's like The Purge, but somehow less people get killed.


Xmas: This one is a doozy. This is the one I hate more than the seven rings of Hell.

All this "put the 'Christ' in Christmas"! OH BULLSHIT. It's a Pagan holiday, you fuckwits, but you wouldn't know that because you never got a proper education. It's funny how the most religious states in the USA are also the most academically challenged. Coincidence? I think not.

Christmas gives shitty people who've been shitty all fucking year long to redeem themselves- they can be charitable once a year, and get a tax write-off for it. Then, in January, they can go back to being a shitty fucking person until Christmas again.

And the crowds. Holy fuck at the crowds. I went grocery shopping the other day. GROCERY SHOPPING. People were almost running me over to get crap they don't need, and all I wanted to do was buy some fucking food. They don't act this way the rest of the year.

You get gifts. I love getting gifts, you like getting gifts, everyone loves getting gifts. As I get older, I realize I just want cash, a paid bill or two, free food, and maybe some vehicle maintenance. Hell, I hated getting socks when I was a kid, but now...I fucking love socks! Especially if they're cute! My feet are a kid's size, so I always get cute socks!

What do I want for Xmas?
Someone to pay toward my student loans.
Someone to do some maintenance to my car.
Someone to pay my rent (seriously, please pay my rent)
A French press
Money.
Victoria's Secret gift card.
Sephora gift card.
Food.
Buckle gift card.
A 64gb microSD card.

Yes, big,expensive, needy things, but let's be honest here. I don't need another TV. I don't need a Louis Vuitton purse (I already have one), and I don't need some fancy stuff that I'll only use maybe once or twice. I have no room. I don't need it. I have enough crap already.

And then....AND THEEENNN...there's the New Year's Resolutions. They do that whole "New Year, New Me" bullshit. If you haven't done it by now, sweetie, you're not going to. It never lasts long. They fall back into their old habits pretty soon after. They crowd the gym and keep the serious people who actually want to be there waiting on their tard asses. Usually after February/March, they're gone, thankfully, but I'm not waiting until March to hit the gym! I call these people "Resolutionaries", because they like to storm places like the gym, the health club, or some college, and keep the people who've been there from doing anything! They rarely ever stay with it.

At the beginning of the year, there were so many Resolutionaries at my gym that I couldn't do any squats or lunges because someone was always there using them, and wouldn't re-rack the weights, so there was a magical treasure hunt for the fucking weights and kettlebells. I went this past Saturday and there were eight of us in the gym. Eight. During the week, there's maybe 25 or so- and they're regulars.

I fucking hate the holidays. 

Officially Mrs. Green!

On Friday, October 31st, on our 8th anniversary, I finally married the love of my life in a beautiful castle. We had a few setbacks, but we finally did it! 

They say when you get married, you find out who your true friends are. I didn't believe it, personally. It sounded so stupid. But holy hell, they were right! It seems wedding planning and weddings in general really bring out the worst in people. Go fucking figure. 

Yes, my previous maid of honor skipped out. Yep, a bridesmaid decided to drop out after being called out on her bullshit. Yep, another one dropped out last minute. A groomsman decided not to come before any planning had even occurred (which we expected- he didn't even order his kilt, so we knew right then he was out), and another groomsman, Jason's brother, was being selfish (as usual), but we persevered! We got replacements, and all was good. 

Our ceremony was about 10 minutes late because my maid of honor had the hairdresser/makeup artist with her, and we had to wait at the castle for her to get there. She made a pit stop for something before making it to the castle, and I guess she didn't realize that most of my wedding party was following her. We couldn't start the rehearsal until she got there, and I couldn't do my hair/makeup until they arrived. There was a lot of "hurry up and wait". 

I wasn't as nervous as I'd thought I'd be when it was my time to make my entrance. Daddy showed up to walk me down the steps, and everyone was smiling. He had to coach me on making it down the steps in heels, but we made it. When I got to the altar, I noticed that Jason's eyes were a little red. He was trying not to cry. I cry when I see someone else cry, so I was silently pleading with him, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry...

The ceremony flew by. We had a handfasting, so it wasn't like a normal type of ceremony by any means. I wrote the whole thing myself, and got my beloved friend, Ms. Wanda, to officiate. It was an absolute honor. I was surrounded by friends and people who truly loved us, and it was perfect. A lot of people raved about how we didn't have a "traditional white wedding", and I'm glad that everyone was so impressed that you can have an elegant wedding without all that light colored "white" and "off white" stuff.

We went back into the castle to take photos, and went to the reception. The thing everyone tells you when you get married is, "the hours will fly by at your reception". They were right. It was over before we knew it. Daddy made an embarrassing and very awkward speech after making us wait five minutes before showing up for the father/daughter dance, but other than that, everything went smoother than expected. Both sets of our parents put on their game faces and actually stomached their respected divorcee's- this is why the weather is so cold right now.

Since we were having the first part of our honeymoon at the castle, they shooed everyone out and told us to lock up in the morning when we left. The castle was so beautiful, and we had it all to ourselves for the night! The staff at the castle was kind enough to take all the food from our reception and put it in the fridge in our suite. They also did the same thing with the wedding and groom's cake. So, what is the first thing you do when you're given free reign of a castle? You hit the Jacuzzi! It was cold that night, but it was perfect for the hot tub.

The next morning, we got up and headed to New Orleans with Jason's mom, her brother, and his wife. It was pretty awesome meeting them, and Jason hadn't seen them in over a decade or so. It was really nice. We spent the majority of our honeymoon there. We got a free hotel room (thanks, you guys!) and the staff found out we were newlyweds, so we got bouquets of flowers in our room, and lots of "congratulations!" from everyone. We are taking a longer honeymoon during the summer, so we can travel somewhere for a longer amount of time. 

A very special thank you goes out to Rachel, because when shit hit the fan with the wedding party, she stepped in and took the reins, and with her expertise, everything stayed on track. She even made my bouquet, which is made from brooches. It's the most beautiful thing you'd ever see. 

To Jessica, my maid of honor, for introducing Jason and I. There wouldn't even be a wedding if it weren't for you guys. 

To Patrick, thanks for keeping Jason on track with the groomsmen stuff, and doing things when needed. You work offshore and still have time to do all of the wedding stuff, deal with the drama, and show up when you needed to. Thank you so much. 

Thank you to my wedding party for doing what was needed. Thank you to all my guests for showing up and celebrating this special day with us. Thank you to the castle staff and my staff for making everything perfect. 

October 18 was AWESOME!

We left Hattiesburg about 6 PM Friday night, and drove the long-ass drive to Atlanta, GA. Not even 15 minutes before we arrived at the hotel, Jason mistakenly takes the wrong exit, and hits a 6 inch long, 2 inch wide metal spike. We pull over into the projects, and notice that his tire was going flat. Jason pulls out his doughnut tire, and we discover that it, too, is out of air. I decide to call a tow truck, and they told us it would be an hour before they could come and get me. Jason was a little uncomfortable in the projects, but being from Canton, I was quite comfortable.


An hour later the tow truck comes, and he takes us to a 24-hour tire shop. Thank the gods for that. We chatted with the tow truck guy until the shop guys got us a tire and put it on the SPEC-V. We were only about 5 minutes from our hotel at that point, so we just hauled ass. We were supposed to be at the Ramada Capitol Park by 12. We got there at 4, but we had a new tire and not a doughnut, so yay!

We got up the next morning about 9, and we took the shuttle to the America's Mart. There was a very long line that stretched all the way around the building (a city block), but thankfully, we weren't waiting that long. We get in, and decide to look at the local vendors before I got in line to see the reason for coming so far. I eye the kilt vendors, and coaxed Jason into looking at them. The ladies were super nice, and they were so hilarious! They kept making pervy comments, and I kept laughing my ass off. Eventually, we spent a good $200+ and got Jason a very well made kilt, belt, sporran, and t-shirt.

Next, we got into the panel on "Bromance", starring none other than Andrew Lincoln and Norman Reedus. The Q&A was mostly "Can I have a hug? I love you guys." Afterwards, I got in line for what I came for: Norman Reedus' autograph/photo op. We were in line for about 3 hours and it had barely fucking moved. Norman kept being called back to the photo op sessions for the "original cast" and "group photos", as well as piss breaks and such, so he was constantly in and out of the autograph booth. But....when I got closer to him, I realized what he was doing when he was there. He was taking his time with each and every single fan, talking with them, getting to know them, and just being a friendly guy. Instead of rushing everyone through the line, he was getting to know them. That's fucking awesome.

There was a bit of confusion, because the Green Shirts (volunteer helpers) told us that the Norman Reedus photo ops was about to begin, and it ended at 6 PM. This confused the hell out of me, because my photo op was scheduled for 6 PM. I made Jason man the line, and then I went upstairs to see what was going on. Nobody knew what was going on, come to find out. There was a huge confusion on the third floor, and even the Green Shirts didn't know what I was talking about. Finally, the manager of the place came up and told everyone who was there for Norman Reedus to clear the area, and said that he was still in the autograph booth. I hurriedly ran back downstairs, just in time for Jason to send me a text that read, "I'm almost to Norman, better hurry up." I grab him a candy bar and some water (we hadn't eaten all day) and went to the autograph booth.

Finally, the moment had come. As soon as he saw me, he says, "Well, aren't you a cutie!" and hugs me. Made my fucking LIFE. Norman Reedus thinks I'm cute? Fucking right! I feel like I can do ANYTHING! As he signs my photo (that he provided), he says, "Your name is Pika? What an interesting name! I love it." We talk for a minute, and he and Jason starts talking. We then left, satisfied.

Next, we headed to the photo op. We wandered off and got pizza (ugh), and as a result, were the last motherfuckers in line. But that's ok, though. We waited for hours. It was supposed to be for 6 PM, but Norman was running behind schedule. The manager of the place told us we could get a refund if we wanted, but everyone was adamant and stayed put. Finally, after an eon (I took a nap on the floor) of waiting, the line started moving quickly. I got in, and got to Norman, hugged him, and took my picture. The cameraman was yelling at him, so I'm sure he felt rushed, the poor guy. His back was sweaty from all of the lights glaring on him for the photo session, and I realized that we wore the same deodorant. I enjoy man-sweat, so I wasn't disgusted by it at all. It was wonderful. My photo was printed almost immediately, and I was very pleased with it. It was actually on great quality paper, too!

The rest of the night....well, I'll keep that to myself. ^___^


Some advice: if you are going to a con to meet your favorite person, especially Norman Reedus, just know this:
Get VIP. That way you're always first before general admission.
Norman Reedus loves to talk to each and every single one of his fans, so it will take a very long time, and a hullva line as well.
Yes, Norman is as kind as you'd imagine him to be. Seriously. He has a heart of gold. 

Thanks.

September 28th marked the second anniversary of your passing. It still hurts the same as it did the first night you passed, but I think I'm coping a bit better. I can actually say your name without tears in my eyes. It's hard. You always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.

That night, Jason had a dream. That in itself is very unusual- he doesn't sleep very well. He was in a sleep deep enough to have a dream- and the other odd thing is that he actually remembered it. I find it odd that one cannot remember a dream. I remember all of mine. In this dream, without going into too much detail, Jason had to make a decision to save my life, and took it, although this meant the end of his own. When he awoke, he wasn't afraid. It didn't even startle him to wakefulness like most nightmares do. In fact, he was very, very calm about it. He didn't tell me this until Wednesday or Thursday, and wrote it in an email and made a poem of it- a very well-written one at that.

He had pondered what it all meant, and decided that it wasn't just a run-of-the-mill dream- it was something much more than that. He stated that it was fate, and told me that I was the main purpose in his life. He lived to make sure I was healthy, happy, and alive.

Considering when he had the dream, I don't think it was a normal nightmare, either. I think it was you, looking out for me, as you always do. You were telling him, "Protect her with your life. Or else." I know it was you. Too many "coincidences" have occurred with you to think it was random chance. I know you've been looking out for me.

I came to see you the other day. It was the first time that I've ever visited you without crying. Instead, I was overcome with a kind of peace, a serenity that I had not experienced in quite some time. It was a beautiful day, and I cannot explain the calm I felt.

Thank you for looking out for me. I love you. I'll carry you with me.

Lists of things I don't buy cheap

Everyone wants to save money. I get it. Sometimes you even pick up pennies in the parking lot just to make sure you have at least a cent more than what you did have before. You go to the dollar store, you find the most practical, inexpensive item you can to save money. You use it. Sometimes you get what you pay for, sometimes you get more than a good deal on what you bought.

I'm all about saving some money. Ask anyone- I hate spending money. The more I spend, the less I have. However, that doesn't mean that I won't spend money, either. Over the years I've learned that sometimes, just sometimes....you get less than what you paid for, and end up spending money on the same item over and over again. You'll just break down and buy the name brand item and cry that  you'e wasted so much when you should've bought the real deal in the first place.

As my Daddy says, "I'm not rich enough to buy cheap things."

I started to think of all the things that I actually do buy name brand, just because they work better...or pay more for better quality. It's a tentative list, and by no means a complete one, but just off the top of my head, here's a list of things I'd rather spend good money on and keep around for a while than the cheap knockoff crap:


1. Premium Gas.
No, my car doesn't get better gas mileage when I use premium. However, my car seems to run better and smoother when I do use premium vs. the cheaper stuff. My car is 21 years old. I think it helps.

2. Bras
My tits will destroy a cheap bra. Also, considering the fact that my bra size is a helluva lot harder to find, they're usually more expensive when I do find them. I shop at Victoria's Secret for bras and underwear exclusively now. Not only do I find a comfortable, well-made, long-lasting bra in my size, but I also get deals and offers that I'd be stupid not to refuse. It actually saves me money in the long run.

3. Dish Detergent
I just found this out, actually. If you have a fancy dish detergent container like I do, don't use that Great Value bullshit. It will clog it up and make it look gross. Shell out the extra cash for something better.

4. Electronics
This should go without saying. Do you really want to call tech support for that off-brand tablet? Would they even speak your language? Do they have regular updates and patches? Stick with the name, baby.

5. Cheese
For me, the off-brand cheese taste like I'm licking cardboard or dried cat food. Ugh.

6. Pots and Pans
Years ago, I bought my very first pot and pan set. I destroyed it. I bought another one from Family Dollar. They don't hold up very well. I've replaced them so often now, I'd rather spend $300 for a good set...or if you're like me, spend $3k for the really awesome Bella Bridal stuff. I can stack the pots and pans on top of each other and cook everything at once without burning it.

7. Makeup
My face used to break out sometimes, and even when it didn't, it was either super greasy or dry as hell. I thought I had super sensitive skin....nope. It was my cheap makeup. I discovered Sephora and never looked back. My skin feels and looks a helluva lot better than what it used to. I just had to get the good stuff. This stuff goes on your face, so why wouldn't you want to take care of your money maker? You won't regret it. A few small palettes goes a very long way.

8. Running shoes
If you are a gym rat, don't buy cheap running shoes. They don't cushion very well, and they will mess your knees up and give you shin splints. I've had shin splints before....it was hell. Invest in some good running shoes that are only used for your running/gym routine. Buy two pairs if you are going to use them casually. And for fuck's sake, get the right size- that includes width and arch, too.

9. Batteries
They last longer. They also don't explode in your beloved, last of its kind cassette player, either.

10. Toilet paper
What would you rather use: cheap tissue that's super thin, and you have to buy a ton of it because it's cheap, and use a ton of it because you'll get poo hands if you don't? Or...a mega roll of Charmin and have a happy butt and clean hands?

11. Aluminum Foil
The cheaper stuff rips too easily. I have to have something that will hold up to my horrible cooking experiments

12. Mattresses
Better quality is better sleep. Sleep is important to you. So is your back and joints. Invest in a good mattress.

13. Paint
Generic paint could have lead in it. Get premium quality paint, get premium quality results. Lasts longer, too. This also goes for art paint as well.

14. Garbage Bags
The good stuff holds more and won't break. I've found I have to use a lot more of the cheap stuff...and the garbage seems to smell worse, too.

"Ain't Shit People"

When I was a teenager, my mom and stepdad would always warn me to stay away from "ain't shit people". The people in question were some of my friends. "But...but they're my friends! They may make bad decisions, but they're good people." They would always get mad when I hung out with some of them, saying that they were horrible people because of their decisions and that they were going to influence me and drag me down with them. I refused to believe them.

Now that I'm older, I finally understand what "ain't shit people" are, and what my parents were trying so hard to tell me. It just took so-called "friends", an ex, and a few acquaintances to open my eyes. "Ain't shit people" are people who ride along the coattails of other people's successes, and don't do anything themselves. Those people who sat around and did nothing in high school who are now in their 30's and doing the same old shit, and still in the same situation they were in back then...those are "aint shit people". The people who have no aspirations to do anything with their lives...much like moochers. They are small-minded, and talk about people instead of furthering themselves. You strive to succeed, and they are yapping at your heels, putting doubt into your mind and talking bad about you because you got out of your rut. They try to drag you down with them- and that's the dangerous part. They become very annoying because you are trying to better yourself, and you can't do it when someone else is in your way....my ex is a prime example of that. Every time I tried to climb the ladder, he pulled me back down into the hole with him. That's why I left him. Now I'm no longer homeless, actually have a car, a career, and even money!

I remember in my younger years, hanging out with people, not really caring about their situations and how it could affect me. Now that I'm older and more educated, I look at these same people doing the same thing, and think: "You are complaining about not having any money, but you refuse to get a job,"...or "If you are so upset about your situation, do something about it." They love to talk about other people...but refused to point the finger in the other direction.

One scenario in particular stands out in my mind when I think about "ain't shit people". I used to hang out with someone whom we shall call "R". R was friendly enough, and a generally good person. R barely worked, and when she did find a job, she didn't try to do anything to climb up the ladder or get a better one. She sat around all night getting high as a kite, and spent her money on a lot of crap. She always asked for favors or for money. As the years got on, I matured and she didn't. I saw her in a store one day, high as a kite, smelling like she hadn't washed her clothes or bathed in a while. She and I talked for a while, and I just remember how awkward it was to talk to her because I'd grown out of hanging out with people like her. She invited me over to her place, and I decided that I would.

Nothing had changed. Dirty dishes piled up everywhere, trash all over the place, the house smelled like weed, and there was a random dude in the corner..and I realized, I don't like this type of thing anymore. Now, granted, I'd never done drugs, but I hung out with people who did, and that in itself could drag me down with them. She then asked me if I could buy her some food, because she didn't have any money for food....she admitted that she bought a new pair of shoes, a tattoo, and weed with her paycheck. I didn't feel remorse for her, so I told her no. Apparently that wasn't the right thing to say to someone who makes bad decisions, and she god mad. I left. I haven't seen her since.

So yes, stay away from "ain't shit people". When you are older and they're still in the same old rut, refusing to get out unless someone does it for them, you will understand what I mean....especially if they want you to take them with you...and won't do anything for themselves. When you're 40 with a house, they'll still be in the same old place, acting like a 16 year old and really doing nothing with their lives. They will drag you down with them- guilty by association, I suppose.

Finalizing Plans

The Castle called the other day to confirm the details of my wedding. Everything seems to be going according to plan. The new cake lady also contacted me, and we went over the details of my wedding cake. She was concerned about the red of the cake, and didn't want it to stain my white dress....joke's on her, I guess.

I need to head to the courthouse in the parish that the Castle is in to get our marriage license. We are going to stop by the Castle on the way there or back, to make sure everything is went over and to make sure the quality of the music is as expected. Then, all we have to do is show up on our wedding day!

I'm finally getting excited for our wedding. Everyone else seems more excited than I am. I'm like, "Meh."...but now that it's getting closer, I'm beginning to realize that it's my special day. Mine. In spite of others who have tried so hard to keep this wedding from fruition, or to try to tear my fiance and I apart, this is happening. I've discovered that the fake friends just fell out from my life the moment I got engaged.

Ever since I started dating Jason, I've slowly realized who my real friends were. And I gotta give a shoutout to the ones who live on S. 21st- if it weren't for your bullshit, Jason and I wouldn't be the solidified couple we are today. Keep on stirring your shitpot. We got this and it's real.

I have so much to do now that the last stretch is here. On top of the wedding, meeting Norman Reedus is also right around the corner. So much to do!

I've discovered that in spite of how far I've come, I can't quite female as well as I thought I could. I went to Sephora today and learned how to contour. I think I'll need it. I also don't have a clue how I want my hair and face to look like on my wedding day. I'm sure I'll figure something out. There's always a wig, right? I may just wear my normal makeup and call it a day. I just want the day to go on without a hitch. 

October is lurking around the corner, the creepy bastard.

I went straight from, "Hey! I'm getting married!" straight to, "OMG THERE IS STILL STUFF THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE AND MY OCTOBER WEDDING IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER UUUGHGGH".

Sadly still, I'm patiently waiting for October 18th. On that day, I will stare awkwardly at Norman Reedus while he attempts to make small talk at me. But I will enjoy every second of it. I'm thinking of getting his autograph or a small doodle from him tatted on my arm. I'm very excited about this!

I get to sit in a panel with him and ask questions? Awesome.
I get his autograph? Fuck yeah.
I get a photo op with him? Score.
What's not to be excited about?

With October looming over my head, I still have to get a lot of my wedding stuff together...I'm still finalizing a lot of things. I have to decide on a hairstyle. I need to decide which of my headpieces I will be wearing. I have to make sure I have everything I need for my bridesmaid's bouquets. I need to get the marriage license. Gloom and doom.

I really hope everything goes well.

It's interesting, you know? I never really considered myself getting married. I especially didn't think I'd ever have a wedding like the one I'm having. The guest list is small, yes, but then again, I am getting married at a friggin' CASTLE!!!!!!! And I get to stay at it overnight for our honeymoon, all to ourselves!


I love fall, I really do. In Mississippi, it starts to get really nice in October. I think October is my favorite month anyways, and I've always been partial to Halloween. It has always been my favorite holiday, even when I was a kid...I can only shop for home decor when fall hits...and if you've ever been to my house, you'd know this to be true. With my wedding anniversary on the same date as my favorite holiday, this is going to get interesting. 

The beach isn't for swimming.

Years ago, it was safe-ish to swim in the waters along the Mississippi Gulf Coast. I remember splashing around in the brown waters, enjoying my time on the beach. Of course, this was before I discovered the emerald green waters of Gulf Shores and Orange Beach. Nowadays, the "wonderful Gulf Coast" has a small problem, a problem that in my younger years, I thought nothing about.

The water is toxic. When you drive along the beach, you don't see many people in the water. In fact, when you do, you can be damn sure that everyone around them that notices them doing it has that "ewwww!" look on their face. We have flesh eating bacteria and sewage in our waters, making it very risky to take a dip. When someone says they're going swimming on the beach, they're usually met with, "Why the hell would you swim in that?" ....I am one of those people. Usually the people swimming in the muddy brown water either has been living under a rock for a few years, or just really doesn't get....anything. People have died from this. It even affected the Louisiana Coast.


When I go to the Gulf Coast, I lay out on the beach, but I don't go into the water. I'll find a swimming pool, because kid piss in chlorinated water is better than our crappy, nasty coastal ocean water. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful place to be, and I totally enjoy being on the coast. Just...don't touch the water.

I even remember someone saying to me once, "If I ever saw someone take a baby into that nasty water, I'd call DHS for child abuse!" Recently, a kid did swim in the water, and now she has a very nasty bacteria eating away at her ankles. Currently, the beaches are closed because they have discovered raw sewage that has been leaking for a few weeks into the water. Yep, Mississippi Gulf Coast is known as "The Toilet Bowl of the United States", and for good reason.

One half of the reason is pollution. Less educated people out there throw things out their car windows and litter our highways. They don't recycle because it's either too inconvenient to go to the recycling center or because they just don't care. In our town, you can request blue bins to put your plastics, paper, cardboard and metals in, and they come pick it up every Thursday. You don't realize how much stuff you throw away until you start to recycle them. I thought that I would only have a few bottles here and there....I was wrong. In just a week, I filled the bin up. Cereal boxes, food boxes, tin cans, shampoo bottles....I threw it all in there. I cook a lot of boxed food, so it added up quick, even when I broke the boxes down. But then again, lots of people from other states toss their trash and crap into the Mississippi River, since the river is pretty damn long and goes through a lot of states.

The other half of the problem is the barrier islands. If you take the ferry to Ship Island and head to the other side, the water is blue and beautiful. A few years ago, everyone debated blowing up the islands because they actually cause a barrier- keeping all the refuse in. However, there are forts and animal sanctuaries on the islands, so that was a moot point.

My advice? If you want to swim in the ocean, go to the other side of the barrier islands or take your ass to Orange Beach. Do yourself a favor and stay out of the water, unless you want to get a skin disease from swimming.

Hulkzilla Awakens!

This will piss some of you off. I suggest you sit on a toilet while reading this and flush that shit down. Or fucking eat it, I don't care. Go boo-hoo somewhere else, because the Pika Therapy Clinic blew up.

Anyways....

I was told some bothersome news today about certain someone(s) in my wedding party/ people thereof. For those of you know know me personally, I'm sure that I do not come off as a bridezilla at all, or a bossy person.

However, if I may morph into Incredible Hulk for a moment while wearing a wedding dress:

Ok, there. Now that I'm in Hulkzilla mode.....

What was said:
Basically, my demands are too much.
As in, I want too much for this wedding- meetings, bachelorette parties, bridal showers, etc.
She, the person(s) in question, says that she has kids, and that she can't afford to run all over Hattiesburg to do my errands for me.
She has a job, kids, and has other things to do as well.
And she can't spend a lot of money that she doesn't have.
Understandable.


What I say:
It's MY fucking wedding. MINE. Suck it up, bitch tits. When you have a wedding for yourself, you can call the shots then. When one has a real wedding, you have what's called a bridal shower and a bachelorette party before the wedding. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PLAN A FUCKING WEDDING- AND DO IT RIGHT.

I don't ask much. I think I've been fair throughout this whole process. Black knee-length dress? Check. Red shoes? Check. Come as gorgeous as you can get? Alrighty! But...correct me, by gods fucking dammit, if I'm wrong.

Everything's already paid for. The duties in question was to call everyone up and to make sure that they knew what was going on, and to make sure they had their shit together. Also, the job was to call around and get rooms/rates/ideas about having a bridal shower and the bachelorette party. NOT to travel to Hattiesburg, and NOT to spend money.
All they had to do was pick up a phone, call around, and then tell me what they planned so I could give them money for it. That's it. That's fucking it.

That means:
~ NO running around Hattiesburg. (Why the fuck are you running around Hattiesburg? The wedding is in another state...dipshit motherfucker)
~ NO spending money.
~ Pick up the phone and call a ninja or two.

But NOOOOOOOOO, nobody wants to actually fucking tell me these things, so I'm 2 months before my wedding and have to appoint others to do the jobs assigned...which, by the way, they had no problem doing.  They did it with ease. Some of my bridesmaids have kids. They all have jobs. Oh, boo-fucking-hoo. If you can't juggle your home life, your job, and your kids with other responsibilities, you're doing it way wrong. Can you function? Because that's how you function.

I can't stand the cowardice. Yes, I've been patient with too many for too long and just let shit slide by. Like, a lot of shit....but you know what? I'm tired of being put last. I'm tired of going to the breaking point just to get my point across. FUCK THAT SHIT. From now on, you fuck up, I don't give a fuck who you are---you could be that sexy stripper dude with a Hershey bar for a dick---I'm calling you out on your bullshit. I'd rather be a bitch than a doormat.

If you think you can't fucking afford to come to my wedding and you're part of the wedding party, SAY SO IN ADVANCE. Don't wait till I have to chase you down to tell me something. If you know you're struggling financially, TELL ME. Otherwise, I will think everything is hunky-dory.
If a motherfucker knows they haven't been able to afford my wedding for months, and won't tell me until I finally contact them-and my wedding date is now in the double digits- that's some fucked up shit. Here I am, scrambling to make sure everyone has a room, gifts, etc, and you waste my time and yours? Seriously? I got shit I can't return because it was personalized.

You thought you were just gonna have a title and do none of the work? How about you tell me and we discuss it like adults? "I've never done this before!" Well, bitch, neither have I!!!
Don't like an idea? Tell me. Can't afford a dress? Tell me. Need a ride? Tell me.
I wasn't going to get mad if you couldn't/wouldn't do it, but it's ridiculous for me to sit here and wait for you to answer the fucking phone (which you never do) so we can actually discuss things. Instead of talking it out like adults, you wanna just ignore me and hopes it blows over. How about you actually tell me what's on your fucking mind, so we can actually get over it?
You never answer the phone...you only want to talk when you're bored or single.

Know what I call that? The Small Town Mentality.

(Pika's dictionary: Small Town Mentality: Where a person or people stay in one town, or a few small towns and don't "branch out"- so they have only a small-minded viewpoint instead of seeing other viewpoints and opinions. They don't gain a "worldly" sense of things and thus have a immature mentality and emotions. Think: "Small minds discuss people.")

You think I'm white trash and wanna talk bullshit? I don't give a fuck. It's hard to talk all that smack when you look so fucking plain, over there looking like a crispy piece of white ass Great Value bread. You're not even wheat, motherfucker. I should smack the crumbs off you. I can kick a field goal through the gaps in your teeth. Your face is so plain that they use a picture of you for the default image on facebook before you upload your very first profile picture. The only way you're gonna turn the other cheek is if I punch it in that direction. Oh, and if you wanna get technical, your attitude is why you are always asking "where are all the good men at?" (But that's none of my business!)

Yeah, you wanna talk noise about my car, that still runs great, but you're over there behind on your car payments....but that's none of my business.

It makes no fucking sense to just not tell me things. Fucking tell me!!! If you tell me in advance, I will understand, and no butthurt will ensue. BUT...when you DON'T tell me and I have to find out from other people....

See, when you don't tell me things and I have to have my hand forced, I go off and rant, like this:

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT IS IT SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO OPEN THEIR FUCKING MOUTHS AND SPEAK THE FUCK UP!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!! STOP WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME. Because you know who's time you're wasting? Not only mine, but everyone else who is in the fucking wedding. And your own time, which is apparently not so important.



Let's keep going, shall we? I'm on a roll. Q & A TIME!

"But why are you wearing kilts?"
BECAUSE WE FUCKING WANT TO. DON'T LIKE IT? WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT YOU LIKE. SUCK A BAG OF BABY DICKS. MMMM-MMMM!  HOW DOES IT TASTE, MOTHERFUCKA! OH, IT TASTES LIKE A BIG OL BAG OF BABY DICKS!
I mean, hell...we can always take them off...........in front of you.

"Why in Louisiana?"
BECAUSE JESUS SAID IF I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING WEDDING IN LOUISIANA ON HALLOWEEN, HE WAS GONNA COME DOWN AND BITCH SMACK SOME PENTECOSTALS. I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE THE FUCKING PENTECOSTALS FROM BEING BITCH SLAPPED BY SOME SIX ARMED GOD AND JESUS. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BITCH SLAPPED BY A SIX ARMED GOD? AND JESUS??!

"Why are you in a red wedding dress?"
So that it won't look so bad when I bathe in the blood of my wedding guests. It's tradition.

"Why not have it in Hattiesburg?"
So your broke ass can't come.

"I can't bring my precious spawn! You're mean!"
There will be drinking at my wedding. I do NOT like kids around alcohol. It bothers me, especially since kids can get hurt around stumbling drunk people. I don't like seeing kids get hurt. I grew up around a lot of drinking- and it's bad. I'm not putting someone else's kid through that. Do it on your own time. Be a good parent and leave the kiddos at home, hm? And with knowing me, there may be some instances to where you DON'T want your kid to see what's going on.

Sure, I'd love to see your kid, but this is a wedding. You know why a lot of people are against bringing their kid to a wedding? It's a distraction. They are loud, they run around and get into things, and they can ruin a special moment with their crying and demands. My wedding is NOT the time. Go find a babysitter, or don't come. There will be cops at my wedding- bring your kid if you want to, you aren't gonna be able to step foot into the venue. It'd be a shame for you to come all that way just to have to turn around...


"Your wedding is going to look horrible."
I wouldn't be talking if I were you, over there looking about as dopey as a kumquat. Every time you go in to get a prostate check, the doc accidentally sticks his fingers in your mouth.


"Der's gon' be nigras and fah-gits at yer weddin'! OHBAMMUUR! DEY GURT OUR JERBS!!!"
Then don't come. Your bigotry won't be missed. Just shut the fuck up, Yankee Doodle.
I bet your living room is decked out in Duck Dynasty gear...you don't like dudes, but you got those dude's faces splattered all over your wall like a 13 year old with his first Playboy poster.




I think I'm done. Rant over.
Oh, and make sure you wipe the bullshit off that butthurt of yours and flush it.

I walked into an It's Fashion and noticed how much things have changed.

A while ago, I had to get some things printed up at my local UPS Store (the one I used to work at), and I decided to wander around the strip mall while my things were being printed, since it was going to be a 30 minute wait. It turned into a walk down memory lane.

To create the setting, this strip mall had a GameStop, the UPS Store, Sally's Beauty, It's Fashion, a tax service place, Radio Shack, and a Dollar Tree....in that order. I had already seen everything in GameStop, successfully warded off tempting hair dye at Sally's, and that's when I saw It's Fashion. I hadn't been in an It's Fashion in years. In fact, it has been 10 whole years since I've stepped foot in one, or one like it...I haven't even been inside of a Kato's in that length of time. I barely know what the inside of a Dollar General looks like (did you know they have MILK and EGGS IN THERE NOW?!)

It's Fashion was hot shit when I was 19 and living in Canton. A strip mall was built, and it had a grocery store, a video store (back when they still existed- it was a Movie Gallery), a Sally's, clothes stores, shoe stores, a dollar store, a laundromat......it was awesome. It's Fashion had beautiful clothes that I wanted desperately to wear. Problem was, I was poor. I didn't have any money. There were so many things in that place that I wanted to buy and knew I'd look great in. They even had cool shoes. I'd sp

They had plus sized clothes that were so pretty and made any skinny girl wish she had the body to wear everything they offered. My best friend, Andria, frequented the store, and she was quite the fashionista. She even accessorized, and did it very well. Her ears didn't get infected from the metal in the earrings, and she always managed to get the best stuff. Me...well, I wore men's clothes. I loved their men's section, but it was far and few between. When I found something I wanted in the women's section, they only had it in plus size or it was too expensive.

Fast forward 10 years later, and I'm standing outside of an It's Fashion out of boredom, looking at the "SALE!" posters splattered all over the windows. I figure, "Why the hell not?" and walk in. There are cheap clothes everywhere. They look fragile, like the blouses will rip if you get a necklace hung in it. The pants were thin. I'm not sure if the quality just got worse over the years, but the It's Fashion that I remember wasn't like this at all! I take a look at the price tag. $15.00 for a cute shirt. Not bad at all. I can afford that. In fact, I could afford everything in the store- that thought alone surprised me- but it had been 10 years, after all.

I suddenly had a monologue with my previous me and myself:

19 year old me: Oh man, this shirt is $10! I've only got $20! Isn't there anything cheaper?
Me, now: $10 is a good deal, but there's way too many flowers on this shirt...is it...see-thru!? Is this orange or pink???

19 year old me: Look at that cute dress! $20! But I don't wear dresses, and $20 is way too much.
Me, now: I'd rock that. Let me try it on. Fits, but my boobs are too big. And a size bigger is too big on me.

19 year old me: Aw, crap! None of the shoes fit me!
Me, now: Aw, crap. None of the shoes fit me.

19  year old me: I wish I could buy everything on this whole rack. Maybe I'd look nice.
Me, now: I can buy everything on this whole rack. But then I'd have ugly clothes.

19 year old me: I wish I had cute panties. But it's not like I have anyone to wear those for. I will never have anyone like that.
Me, now: I get panties from Victoria's Secret. Jason is going to roll his eyes if I get any more panties.

19 year old me: Eww, purse.
Me, now: I like that color. But it looks like cardboard....and has no zippers or straps???

Looking back, I realized just how poor I was. I remember buying a cute Japanese school girl uniform (I still have it!), and some jeans, and treated them like they would break if I dropped them, because they were some of the only good clothes I had. I hardly wore it, because I didn't want it to get damaged. The whole outfit cost me $40, and that was so much money to me. Actually, it's still a lot of money, because I'm frugal, but I will actually buy things after the bills are paid now.

I also realized that not only could I afford the coveted clothes of my younger years from this store now, but the quality was poor, and I didn't like much in the store. The watches looked horrible. The makeup was something I wouldn't touch, and the accessories looked gaudy. I liked a blue purse, but wouldn't buy it because it looked like it would fall apart if it got wet. I couldn't find any shoes in my size, so that was out. My, how my tastes have changed. I DID manage to find a cute black and white sun hat for when I go to the beach, and a T-shirt dress (which I absolutely love). I spent $10 for both items and walked out a happy girl.

It's a small thing, yes, I know, but just walking into that store made me realize how much I had changed in some aspects- the once coveted clothing that I so wanted in my youth now looks crappy and cheap, but it's pretty affordable...when you can find something you actually like. I think the quality has gone down a lot, too, because the jeans that I got from that place is still holding up quite nicely.

MIA MOH

I keep having a recurring dream that I'm going to go straight into the day of my wedding unprepared- someone doesn't have the unity sand, I don't have all my accessories that I need, I'm missing something, or I'm running late.

I still have a lot to do. I need to buckle down and make the flowers for my bridesmaids. I need to confirm the cake with the decorator. I need to send in the music list....gods, I have a lot to do. Of course, what do I do nowadays when I'm stressed out? I go to the gym. I run. I'm not really running from my problems, but it just feels good. Hell, I own more workout clothes than I do normal clothes now. Instead of hitting the gym, I should be doing more for my wedding...but I also want to make sure I stay in the size I am now because my wedding dress is a tiny size 6, and it fits perfectly.

My maid of honor is MIA. She didn't put forth any effort to actually plan my bachelorette party or my bridal shower, which is what a MOH is supposed to do. Eventually, she never responded to any of my texts, KIK messages, or calls, and eventually I gave her a deadline of calling me by lunch on an appointed date. She never made the call. I hated to do it, but I had to move on with my plans. I'm sure she had her reasons, or that she was too busy...but if she wasn't able to do it, why didn't she just say so?

:( It sucks so bad, because I want her to enjoy the festivities and the planning as well. I wanted her to experience New Orleans. I wanted her to enjoy her time at a castle. I wanted her to feel appreciated as a MOH. But alas, it was not to be. Shortly after the deadline passed, I acquired a new phone, which meant that I no longer have her number. I think about her, especially when I know I'm in a place that I know for sure she'd absolutely love. I'm sure she isn't thinking about me.

Death Took A Swing At The Cake Decorator

My cake decorator is dead.

I remember meeting her, and given her age, I remember thinking, "Oh, please don't die on me."
Death took her out like a snowball in a microwave.

I was scrambling around for a while to find a cake decorator. Luckily, the castle where we're getting married at found a replacement (the cake decorator is included in the cost). It seemed like it was in the nick of time!

The old lady that was my cake decorator recommended that we not dye our cake red because it would stain our teeth and tasted bad. Instead, she said, we should use red fondant. We went with that idea. The new decorator told me that she thought the white buttercream would be better, because if I dropped cake on my white (LOL) dress, it would ruin it.

I'm not quite sure what to do- I want my cake to taste amazing, but I also want it to look cool, and white isn't really my style. I've narrowed it down to three options:
1. "Death till us part"- complete with my skeleton couple cake topper.
2. Red and black- with the same cake topper.
3. White with some red accents- with my cake topper.

I'm not sure yet, but I need to get this ball rolling. They are going to start my cake planning at the castle in September. 

5 Untold Rules of Gym Etiquette

Lately I've been a gym rat, and rightfully so. I was once a size 13, at 165 lbs- all on a five foot frame. I'm now 123 lbs, and a size 7. That being said, I've learned a few untold rules of working out at the gym. If you've spent any amount of time in a gym, you know what I'm talking about. You probably won't find these untold rules on the list of "things not to do while you're at the gym". It's like it happens almost instinctively- you just know that these are the rules.


#1. Don't make eye contact with anyone on the hip adduction/ abduction machine.
Nothing says creepy like looking at someone while they're in a position reminiscent of a pap smear.

#2. Headphones denote social interaction. 
Do they have not headphones on? Feel free to talk to them.
Do they have earbuds in? It says, "I'm listening to music, but will talk if absolutely needed."
Are they wearing huge headphones? "Fuck off. Don't talk to me." Especially if they are brightly colored headphones.

#3. Don't sabotage the equipment.
Nothing is more irksome than someone doing a set and deciding that they want to hog it. Do your set, rest, do some more sets, and then give up the machine! Don't just sit there and text- do your set and get off! If there's someone waiting, partner up. They do a set, then you, and alternate.

#4. Stop showing off.
Nobody cares what you bench press. If you aren't grunting, don't start doing it if someone comes near you. Your sole purpose of going to the gym is to better yourself, not show off. The more you show off, the slower your results will be. I'm also looking at you, ladies. If you wanna wear makeup to the gym, just remember that it's not doing your skin any good.

#5. Keep out of the bubble.
This is not only for social comfort, but also for safety. If you don't want to be hit by someone's arm while they're doing the pec deck machine, keep your proximity to other people and machines to a good distance. If you can reach out and touch them, you're too close. People don't like others very close to them when they're trying to work out, much less anything else. Just...don't do it. 

The Sleeping Bridesmaid

I made a deal with my good friend Brandy that if she can blog, so can I. Haven't been on here in a few months. Time to catch up!

Weddings can be so very stressful. They say that when you plan a wedding, you know who your real friends are. I never really put stock into that, because the idea of it was absurd to me.....until I started planning my wedding.

You see, one of my bridesmaids was my friend Amanda. I really loved that woman. She started being BFF's with my ex. Now, that's usually cool with me, but considering somehow he started knowing every little detail of my wedding (one of the reasons why I have been mysteriously absent on my blog) and he's known to play the victim oh-so-well, I had a slight problem with it.

Amanda posts on her facebook, "Hey, Kev, everyone thinks we're sleeping together, lol"

Mind you, she didn't post it on his timeline where I couldn't see it (because I blocked him- she tagged his name, it won't give me the link for that same reason) or even texted him this...she posted it on her own timeline to where everyone could see it- including me. So, I called her out on it. "I do", I replied.

I get a flurry of texts from her saying he was a good friend, if she had to stop being friends with people because they were exes, she wouldn't have any, etc. etc....and tells me that if I think that lowly of her that I should just find a new bridesmaid.

Now here's where she got me fucked up at. I never thought lowly of her- in fact, I thought it was below her to hang out with such people. Secondly, if she thinks it's so low to sleep with him, why is she even friends with someone if it's so "low"? And last, she accused me on more than one occasion of sleeping with her ex, Barry (sorry, but he's gross, so um...ew. No.), but I vehemently refused it....it was a legitimate question, and I didn't get offended by her badgering me about it. But when the tables are TURNED, she got all huffy about it. Seems to me that she did sleep with him, since she's so offended. After she slept with Kev's BFF, I kinda figured out she's the kind of girl who will open her legs to men who give her a bit of attention. I wished her well on her way, and she hasn't spoken to me since.

Good riddance, I say. Jason said he really didn't like her anyway. :/

Meet and Greet

So it's official. I'm hosting my very first bridesmaid meeting on the first of February.  Why, you ask? Because it's easier to just get everyone together in one place and talk about what needs to be done, than to repeat myself over the internet hundreds of times. Also, my bridesmaids are spread out between Hattiesburg and Jackson,  so there's that....

Oh, and they don't know each other..at least, not very well. Hopefully the meet and greet will help bring them together so they'll be comfortable in each others company on the wedding day.

The plan is to get up, carpool all the 'Burg ladies up to Madison to eat lunch with the Canton ladies, and hopefully have a good time. I'll drive back the same day and drop everyone off, and then do nothing, which is my favorite thing to do.

In other news, it hasn't been this cold in Mississippi since....well....it's never been this cold in Mississippi.  Except for when it was -29 in 1966, before my time. My toes are impossible to keep warm. Showers are a chore. Washing clothes is hell, since my washer and dryer are accessed from outside. Blahs.

10 Months To Go!

Well, here it is. The first day of 2014. As promised, I would get my gears in order for my wedding. Today forward, I will be doing crunch time for it.

That being said, I have a lot to do. I have to:

* Get my measurements done for my custom-made wedding dress (and decide if I want it red or black)
* Finalize the food menu
* Come up with the music
* Pay for the venue
* Schedule events for everyone (bridal shower, etc)
* Get done with the design of my invitations
* Finalize guest list

And...I WILL NOT STRESS. I REFUSE TO BE A BRIDEZILLA.

So, for general information:

We are getting married on Halloween 2014, at the most beautiful castle I've ever seen! We even get to spend our wedding night with the castle to ourselves! ^___^
The colors are red and black- and the men will be wearing kilts.
And NO, it's not a Medieval style wedding, so get it out of your head. Come on, for those who know me, do you really see me doing something from a Ren Fair? lol. It's Goth.

Luckily, Jason dropped a grand and got me a Note 2014 Edition to help me out with the planning- as much as I adore my Vaio, I can whip the Note out of my bag at a moment's notice.

Oh, and if you're wondering what to get me, I have an Amazon.com and Bed, Bath, and Beyond registry. If all else fails, gimme money.